Getting a new perspective on life at 46
This is an article I wrote 22 years ago; did I live up to my expectations or go beyond them?
I asked myself this question and had to face the answer…
Did I like the answer? No
I have recently come to a crossroads in my life. The direction that I have taken is quite different from what I expected. I am a middle-aged woman with dreams gone by, or so I thought.
Way back, when I was a wacky young creature with a free-spirited and passionate about life, I was always full of fun, seeking adventures. Perhaps I was a victim of too many expectations. I was always asked, ‘when will you settle down girl’ or’ when will you get a real job?’
Sometimes we live life by those expectations, and do not trust our own instincts to just be. . . Your parents lived a life that way, so why not you? But were they happy? People expect us to be something they believe to be normal. Their expectations came from their parents and so on, and society dictates the same.
‘Why can’t we all get along?’ We have heard or said this so many times before, but do we answer it? Most of the time we are too scared to. We are afraid that we may not like the answer or that we might have to do something about it. I asked myself this question recently and had to face the answer head-on. Did I like the answer? No. But I faced it and I have answered it back, and I am so glad I did.
I had to come to the realization that I lived for and through other people’s lives. I am a very caring person with a lot of understanding of others’ feelings. I embrace others’ pain and try to make it better. I empathize with them, but sometimes I am incapable of feeling for myself.
Is it that I am afraid? Or that I do not trust anyone to let them in? Yes, to both. I have learned that if you tell some people your true feelings, they will hurt you with it.
On my journey to a better life, I have come across a program called ‘True Colours.’ These are your personality traits represented by four distinct colours. Gold, blue, orange, and green. These colours each represent a personality trait, and in understanding these colours I have opened my awareness to others and myself.
We are not all made the same, nor do we feel, think, or do the same. There for we clash with life because we expect other people to be as we are. Shock time guys. Our differences are what make us unique. This is what attracts others to us.
We know that trying to be the same just does not work, and those true personalities will always stand out no matter what. So why can we not accept that and embrace our differences, instead of fearing them? This subject has completely opened my eyes to myself, and where I had been going wrong. I felt I had to apologies to everyone for being me. I thought that I was being judged, whereas I was the judge and jury. I was living for others’ expectations, not my own.
Now it is vastly different. I am inspired and can feel my wings flapping and eager to go. I am started a business, a new life, and I have new expectations. My own. I have never felt so confident or courageous before. I have traveled to twenty-two countries and lived in four of them, finding time to have three children on the way. Now is the time that I really am beginning to feel life, trust in what it has to give, and embrace its wonders without fear.
Turning 46 is no time to start settling down. I have had my 3 wonderful children and I am immensely proud of who they are and my part in it. Now is the time for me. Time to be just a little bit wacky again. To trust in me, and not to be overly critical of myself or others. We are at a place in time for a reason. Trusting in a higher power and letting your life just ‘be’ is hard for some. But I do believe our actions and reactions are our choices. We can accept responsibility for our actions and focus on optimism, it is all up to us and our attitude.
I will be a success. I say it with pride, not vanity because I am working towards it. I am believing in myself and others and in life. I have not launched my business yet, but I already have customers in the wings waiting.
We only live but once and life events really do go in cycles. So never curl up and say that it is all over, do something to bring on the next cycle. Be proactive. We are privileged to be alive. Ask not ‘Why me,’ but go ahead and explore life. The key is to believe in something, and yourself.
I am not over the hill. ‘I am woman, hear me roar.’
My life experiences are my skills. My pains are my journey to understanding. My fear is my empowerment; my courage is my ammunition. I will not only survive, but I will truly thrive.
We must place value on ourselves and what we can contribute to life, not on sex or numbers. If you choose to be old before your time, that is your comfort zone. But ask yourself one question. ‘Would you prefer a different life?’ If you answer “yes” then do something, however, small, to change it. Life is forever changing, do not get left behind.
I wish you love courage and strength for your journey.
written 2001.
NOW 22 years later I look back and see how much my life has changed. My children are grown beautiful souls, I am a grandma, still single, and have been proudly podcasting for over 11 years now. Take your journey, look back to see how far you have come, and keep growing, for you are not dead.
Sara Troy
https://linktr.ee/saratroy
